Welcome to my world!!!

Past, present and future....

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 00:53:58 GMT

Looking back through my older posts have got me thinking that I need to start using this thing more often. Who really cares if no one reads it, I sure as heck don't. At least this way I have some way of getting things out of my system instead of holding them in like I always do, and well that just isnt healthy for me and that effects the kids so. Journal and me are going to be much better friends than we have been in the past little while. most of it will be filled with daily things with me and the kids, yee haw so exciting. But, that is what my life is and will be for a long, long time.

I am still very much alone, and am learning to cope with that. Some days are ok and others just suck big time. Oh well I have somehow gotten myself into this situation and its looking like ti will stay that way for a much longer time. There really isn't much that I can do about changing the situation as it is since I seem to cut myself off of any possibilities. so maybe the problem doesn't lie within the men in this world but with in myself. Ah screw it, it's the men. Still not sure what it is about me that they don't want. I don't need a man to make me happy, but it sure as heck would be nice to have someone to hold and take care of. Someone to come home to and share my life with and the lives of my kids. I wonder if there is someone out there for me. If so I sure hope that he gets here sooner or later since being single for this long is starting to get to me. 2 years is far too long for me. I mean I have learned a lot about myself in this time and I had a lot of healing that needed to be done, but now i am ready for something more. I am not talking about all of a sudden living together with someone, or even a full relationship, just something more than what I have. Maybe start seeing someone every once and a while and getting to know them. Someone who I can go to if I need a shoulder to cry on or just need to hold someone in my arms. someone to be there for me and who cares for me. I eventually will need to be in a relationship somewhere down the road, I know thats the one thing that I need to be fully happy with my life.

On another note counseling has been going well and seems to be helping a little bit, or maybe its just a few of the people that are in my life at the moment that are helping me more than anything. No matter what my depression seems to fluctuate from time to time, but it's not as bad as it has been. The kids are in daycare pretty much all the time which is putting me into a different kind of depression. I miss them so much during the day and don't feel like I have enough time with them in a day. I seriously need to find a happy medium with the kids and the time spent with and away from them. right now its from one extreme or the other and I don't know how to cope with it anymore. i need an extra person around to help lessen the load that I carry on my shoulders every day. someone to help lift of some of the burden that I have in so many ways forced upon myself. Hmmm once again back to that whole thing. I just want to be with some one, but this time around I am determined that I will give everything it takes to make things work out. I have to much going into this to fool around with relationship after relationship. not only is it not good for me its not healthy for my kids.

Speaking of my kids, fathers still suck big time. One apparently misses my baby girl so much, yet does he ever call to see how she is??? NO!!! I guess he can't miss her to damn bad. He pisses me off so much, he hurt my other girl badly enough by being around and now he is hurting my other girl by not being around. I just can't win when it comes to him. Well at least she has his mom, she stays fairly involved and up to date on things with Lexi. The other 2 and their father aren't in a a much better situation. He hasn't even asked how they have been the last 3 times i have talked to him, didn't ask to talk to them or anything. I feel so badly for them and want to make this all better for them. They deserve more that what they have been given in regards to a father. It breaks my heart to know that they only have me to be there for them and to give them all the love that they need, and well some days I am just not enough for them. I am only one person loving 3 with everything that I have in me and even though it is a lot (so much that I can barely grasp it some days)it just isn't enough. They need more that what I can give them and I don't know how to even begin to find out how to give them that.

Ok well enough about that or I am going to put myself into tears,and I just don't feel like sitting here crying all on my own.

In all life has been pretty good to me and I just have to take it for what it is. nothing more I can do but that. There is no point in wishing for things to be different than they are. They are that way for a reason, and eventually they will change, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad.

I was just sitting here thinking that all my journals seem to be written as if I was writing to someone else and I have no idea who that is but oh well. Maybe it's me or some unknown force in this world that seems to be able to understand me what even I don't seem to.

I am off for the night to watch some movies and get to bed early

Nancy

OI has life gotten crazy

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:19:25 GMT

Well even though I know that pretty much no one reads this journal anymore I figured that I would post something anyway, just in case someone might like to get a bit of insight into the life of me.

My baby's are growing up very fast, and still with no active male role model for them. I am starting to see that Dom needs it so much more than i ever thought that he would. He is such a wonderful boy, but he very badly needs male company. He needs someone to be there for him, to help him to grow in ways that he needs to. Unfortunately his dad doesn't see this and I really don't think that he is the best role model for him anyway. He is far from a responsible person.

I have awful judgement when it comes to men. But, I am finding myself starting to feel lonely and miss things that couples do. The cuddling, long night talks and pretty much everything else. Someone to hold me and tell me that it will be ok when my life comes crashing down around me. Which it has been lately. But, I am trying to take things one day at a time and overcome the obstacles taht are in my way. I will come through this ok and hopefully will be a stronger person for it. I am going to be starting counselling again and it is something that i really need to do. I am still dealing with alot of the pain and anger from Trevor and I really dont have anyway to express that. I really don't think that anyone ahs any interest in hearing that anyway. Maybe someone who is getting paid to hear me bitch and whine about it will actually care. I can't share alot of this with anyone and I am feeling kind of lost and alone with all of this.

Will i ever be ok, and will i ever get to the point where I am not scared to start a new relationship. I have 3 young children to think about with all of this. I know taht I dont want a relationship to take over my life again. I refuse to be controlled ever again. All I know is that my kids need some sort of father figure in their lives, but being raised by a female isnt all that bad. My god Alexis has bearly been around any men and she doesnt even know what to think of them. She is very shy around them and I guess I should expect that as she only has my dad and dom around. she sis surrounded by females. i dont want to hold my kids back from anything and I think by not having a father in their lives that that is what I am doing to them. Good luck finding someone to take on me and 3 kids. Who is going to want the added responsibility of that. Its hard enough woring on a rlationship without kids. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but right now what are my options?

On another note, i am jsut pissed off with some people who think that they need to shove their nose into everybody elses business. all they do is cause problems for people around them. I am speaking of a neighbor around where I live. She is always doing this stuff and needs to knock it the hell off, before someone knocks her head off. If everyone knew what she has been up to she would be run out of here so fast. But at least she is moving in a couple of months and then no one will have to deal with her crap.

Well anyway, I love my kids as much as always and they are doing fairly well all things considered. I am determined that Dom is going to be riding his 2 wheeler by the end of summer, its jsut getting him to get back on it that is that problem. Needs some air in the tires but that can be fixed in no time.

i probably have about a million more things to write but I just cant be botherd to do so. Even though I will probably be the only one to read this at least it gives me a chance to vent about some things. There jsut might be a few more updats coming from me fairly soon.

Peace out,

Nancy

What was I supposed to say??

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 00:10:32 GMT

I cannot believe the nerve of some people. Do I miss him? No I do not in the slightest bit. The someone i am referring to here is the one and only P.O.S. Trevor. I mean I miss things about our relationship, such as having someone there and things like that, but who doesn't when it is almost 2 years. September 3rd is the final day he ever hurt me, and September 5th is the beginning of my freedom from the bonds of his horrific prison. I miss having him there to see Alexis grow up, but in a lot of ways I don't. At least I don't have to watch her go through any of what Shannon did. But in general I do not miss him at all. I am free, I have grown and matured. I have gained knowledge about things I would not have otherwise. The pain i endured was something that I had to go through to start the process of fully healing myself. I mean don't get me wrong, I am no where near the end of my journey to finding myself, that will come in time. I am getting to the point where I think I can make a relationship work. I just don't have anyone that I would consider for that around right now. I need to take things slow this time around. Get to know the person I am planning on starting a lifetime journey with. No more jumping into things for me, as hard as that may be. I realize now that anything worth having is worth waiting for and working at achieving. Me and the kids come first, and that is the way that it should be.

I have discovered a wonderful friend half way across the world. He lives in Ireland and we have great conversations about anything and everything. He has introduced me to some amazing music, and has been opening my eyes to the history and legends of Ireland. I have wanted to visit there for a long time and now if I ever actually make that journey I will hopefully still have a friend over there to show me things that I wouldn't find on my own.

Kids and I are doing great other than that. School is coming up really fast. My baby girl is starting school this year, I can't believe it. Dom is going into Grade 2 and will be 7 in 5 days. My god does time ever fly by.

We went on a trip to the zoo and we had lots of fun there. I took a ton of pictures and will probably post a link to some of them. The Dinosaurs Alive Exhibit was quite impressive, much more than I was expecting. I have some videos of those, not long ones but I may post them sometime in the future.

I think that is about all from me for now.

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a long time.

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 03:40:26 GMT

I know that it has been a very long time since I added anything, I have jsut been really busy and the livejoural community as far as I can see it has pretty much dies off. I may be wrong about this, but I am jsut not sure right now.

The kids and I are doing really well and the prospects of me going to college by next September are looking really good. I am scared to take this step, more than I would like to admit, but I know taht it is something that I want to do and more importantly need to do. It will give me and my kids a much better future than I can provide at this moment. I am going to miss everyone rom this area like crazy and I hope that some of them will come and visit us when we go and that I will be welcome to come and visit them when I can fit it into my schedule.

Good news is I have gotten back into contact with the girl that was my best friend for a few years in I thik grade 5 & 6 I could be off by a year, but she is currently in London and is looking at attending the same course at the same school that I am, funny where life seems to take you. I have been trying to locate her for a few years off and on now and I managed to find her on Facebook. Her life has had it's ups and downs such as mine has and we are pretty close to each other situation wise, at least we can kind of understand what each pther is going through and be supportive when the other one is feeling like taking a step in the wrong direction.

I have also had a temporary house guest who is a wonderful help with the kids and stuff, but he is really needing to get his own place just so I can have my house back and get back into my normal flow of things. I enjoy the company and pretty much live in babysitter, but I am just really not able to handle it finacially and I also don't need any problems from the housing complex.

I am starting to think that I may just be meant to stay single and raise the kids by myself. i have been noticing taht the flow of things generally goes better for me when I am on my own, I get things done at my own pace and do things my own way. Besides, anyone woh is interested in me just seems to be lookig for a one night stand type thing, which I jsut don't do or, they are not what I am looking for, or vice versa. any possibility of anyone I have been remotely interested in, not that there have been very many, lol, being interested in me is non existant by the way things are looking. Maybe it's the 3 kids that scares them off, or maybe it makes them think that I am easy to get into bed with, which couldn't be further from the truth. OI, boys/men suck!!!!!

Alexis is getting huge and I am happy to say that Trevor, the asshole that he is is missing out on an amazing little girl. She is awesome, but is starting to discover that the stairs are apparently a fun thing to climb, which is why a gate for the stairs is being purchased tomorrow, which i will instal all by my lttle self, caus I don't need a man to do these things for me. I am an independant woman and if guys don't like that then they can take it and shove it where the sun don't shine. I am thinking that I am starting to come back to the person I was before Trevor, but in some ways the damage is still there and I know that part of it will stay with me for the rest of my life, damn him for that.

I have been going to the Y to work out with muy wonderful friend Mary. We had an awesome birthday party for her too, which lead to some very interesting events which I will leave to the imagination. I also purchased myself a WII which is awesome and I think was a great investment.

My brother is being his normal idiotic self now that he is back from Panama. He is on my friends list on Facebook and because of a picture of me kissing Hammi aka. Maggie on the cheek and a couple of other pics, he is thining of removing me form his friends list. ARGGG he annoys the hell out of me. This is going to lead me into a massive rant though so I will end it that and wish everyone a good night.

FUCK HIM, all that they will ever need is me!!!

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 02:27:51 GMT

Well I guess I should send a big congratulations out to Oliver. He has now lost all access and visitation to his children. I am finished with his half assed attempts at being a parent. I don't get a break, I have them 24/7 and I am the one who has to answer the questions about why daddy isnt here and wipe away the tears. They deserve a better father than they have been given. I will no longer subject them to the mental abuse that he has inflicted upon their young minds. Most parents that say they love their kids mean it and care about them and make every attempt possible to keep in contact with them. But oh no not him. It hurts me so much to have to do this to them, but I really think that is the only way that I can save them from future pain. I know that there are times where it will be hard for me to follow through with this but I have been doing it alone so far, and I know that I can continue to do it as long as I need to. Who knows maybe somedaythey will have a father figure in their lives who loves and cares about them. Someone who is mature and can make time for them. I am so sorry that they are such an inconvenience to him and that he has made the decision to be a part time parent, if you cna even call it that. If the situation was reversed I would be there every possible moment I could, they would be so sick of seeing me or hearing from me. I guess that is why they are with me and not him. So fuck him he can say bye to them, it could be forever or it could be until he decides he needs to grow up and play an active role in their lives. So if you ever want to possibly see or talk to your kids again then start making your phone calls now, and keep doing it. You wont be allowed to talk to them but if you at least show an effort then maybe, just maybe you will regain the priviledge to speak to MY children again someday.

So there we go, that feels a little bit better, but I am still pissed off at Oliver. He was supposed to come and watch the kids tonight while I went out, but because I apparently got all"snarky" with him he decided to say FUCK YOU. He was telling me that his only day off was monday, and well I really dont care, cause how many days do I get off?? NONE, I have these kids 24/7 and I dont get very many breaks. So he decided to start with well thats part of...., he didnt finsih what he was going to say. That just pissed me off cause I know exactly what he was thinking and that was it is part of being a parent. How dare he try and tell me about parenting when he hasnt been one since pretty much as long as I have known him. Maybe when he starts to be an actual FATHER, then he can tell me all about what being a parent involves. He has always had free access to them and I think that I have been more than patient and understanding. Well have I got news for him, it ends and it ends now. Lets just ee how much he cares about them and wants to have a relationship with them.

Fuck do I need to work off some of this frustration.

Not one of my good days, but was better than most.

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 02:43:08 GMT

I am not sure what brought it on at all, but I was in a very reflective mood today. It wasnt a good type of thing like it usually is though. I got to thinking about Trevor. I was so sure that I was pretty much over him, but I am not. It really sucks, and why today of all days have I been thinking about him pretty much nonstop?? All I know is he is missing out on so much with his baby girl, she is gettting really close to crawling and do you think he even knows this fact? No, he does not. He hasnt even herad him say DADA and it hurts so much knowing that he really doesnt seem to care. She is such a precious little girl and I am so lucky to have her, but I just wish things didnt go the way that they did. I wish he never laid a hand on me and that we were still together and happy, but thats never going to happen. As bad as it is for me and my beautiful family part of me still wants him back and I know that is the worst thing that I could possibly ever do. What is going tohappen when I go to college, if I actually make it to Fanshawe. The way things look I will be doing it all by myself and I have no idea how the hell I am going to do that with the three kids. But if I do move to lLondon I will be about an hour and a bit away from Sarnia. Will that mean that he will try and come around and see her more often, does it mean that al the work and progress that has happened with Shannon will be thrown right out the window, I really dont know. I know that I would never take him back no matter how badly I wanted to, because of Shannon. I cant do that to her again, put her in a situation whrer she is terrified. It is still affecting her to this day. She pretty much shuts down around men, but she has been getting better. And I think the reason she has accidents at home still is because she is terrified that he is going to come back.

I dont know what I am going to do, I guess I will continue to take it one day ata time and go from there.

I have an appointment on Nov 20 to talk to a couple people about Shannon and what is going on with her and some possible things to do with her to bring her further out of the place she is mentally.

I love my kids so much, now if only their fathers would start to show it more than they have the world, well at least the three of theirs would be just a little bit more right. But, I can make them become the parents taht they need to be, only they can do it. FOR FUCK SAKES START GETTING MORE INVOLVED IN THEIR LIVES!!!!!

I know that neither of them will probably ever ead this but I dont care.

Ollie call your kids and talk to them, come by and visit them cause they miss you. Start being a father and showing more involvement. I know that you damn well work but you know aht I am sure they can accomadate you comeing to one of your sons hockey practices or something else.

Trevor you can stop being a asshole and get you visitation with your daughter set up. You have no idea what you are missing right now. You are missing everything that she does, all of her first little things and before you know it a whole year will have passed, you are probably going to miss her first christmas and birthday. But, oh well its not really my problem no is it, not until she starts to ask where daddy is and why he isnt there and why he doesnt love her.

You guys both are failing as fathers, one of the most important jobs you will ever do and you cant be bothered to make a good enough effort.

Life really sucks!!!

La DiDaDaDi DiDaDiDiDAAAA!!!!!!

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 03:51:44 GMT

Well before it becomes the 22nd of October I would just like to wish everyine a HAPPY MENTAL INSTABILITY DAY!!! Hope you all had a crazy day.

I was doing some late night thinking....

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 05:49:19 GMT

I have just spent the past couple of hours resing some past journal entries. It has definitely brought back some memories, and some of those were hard to deal with. I have also made some entries that were a little bit harsh and directed towards some people without them being directly mentioned. am I ashamed of any of my actions or things I have written, NO. They all come from a place that lies within me and are truly what I think. I do apologize if I have hurt anyone with the things that I have expressed in my journal, but if its not for that then what good is this thing.

I really have had alot to think about and I really had forgottten how good things had seemed for me way back then. I was surrounded by people that cared about me and now I am pretty much alone, other than the kids all the time. I really do miss having the companionship of others. Now I know taht my relatioship with Trevor is wha has caused some of that shift and the other part of it is me not trying hard enough to make those friendships work. But even though it was so great for me and him in the beginning, he had already started to try adncontrol me and my lifestyle before we were even together. I do think it was kind of funny how the people I was around the most thought he was great, maybe a bit of an assole but he was the one who was going to treat me like I deserved. I know taht he had no right to ever lay a hand on me or try and control my every move, but he did and maybe that was karma biting me in the ass. I know that I am wrong about that.

So Trevor hasnt seen Alexis since the middle of June and soesnt seem to show any interest in trying to get his visitation set up. He can jsut stay in Sarnia with his new woman Holy, who btw he got together with approx. 2 weeks after ending our relationship. Among several other things, such as going to the movies and letting her pick out his clothes when they went shopping. But Nothing was happening, ya right I wasnt born yesterday. I know that she is the real reason he broke it off with me and I am not complaining about it being over either. He has told me that she is worried that he will try adn get back together with me, but I dont see that happening ever.

Well I think that is all I really feel like writting right now.

Hey Zaldor, its almost that time of year again!!!

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 04:58:55 GMT

http://kali81.livejournal.com/90064.html

Read that and you will understand. I have finally found the date of Mental Instability Day, woo hoo and that is on Saturday. October 21st remember that date for all of eternity.

Was taking a look over some of my old entries and I just have to say that it has now been jsut over 2 years since the liberation of Bruce Thorton, renegade scarecrow, that was on October 7, 2004. I hope you are happy whereever you are Bruce. You know we are all proud of you. I will have to go back and get the link to that story adn post it later on.

Some good and bad memories, but for the most part it was fun.

Night night all.

EDIT: Ha Ha I have found it!! http://kali81.livejournal.com/82619.html

Holy crap, a quarter of a century...AAAAHHHHH!!!

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 14:57:02 GMT

Well, well, well, it looks as though I have made it through yet another year of life. It has definitely been one of challenges and very difficult times, but I have also had some really good times to. All I know is that through it all I have survived and I know that I have become a stronger person in the end.

I am not sure what this next year holds in store for me and I am pretty sure that it will have its own trials, hardships and great times. So I hold my head up and walk into this next year knowing that I can conquer anything that life throws my way.

So HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Nothing much else is new with me, but Shannon did get her ears peirced on Wednesday. She likes them, well except for the part where you have to clean them.

But anyway life has been pretty good to us lately and heres hoping it stays somewhat close to the path that it is on.

Thanksgiving Weekend!!

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 03:22:45 GMT

Turkey, Turkey and more Turkey. One of the things I love about Thanksgiving. Unfortunately I will have to wait ntil tomorrow to eat the wonderful food.

Anyway, Yesterday was a busy day. Dominique had hockey practice and 9:00 am, there was a bbq for the group Dom is involved with, then at 2 off we went to Hazels B-Day party, I can't believe that she is 7 already. Then it was off to the Attack game for 7:30. Crazy day, but in the end I had an awesome time. I took Dominique, Nick (neighbors boy) and my dad (it was his b-day) with me to the Hockey game. The Attack won 4 - 2, and pretty much at the end there was a pretty decent fight. HMMMM, it seems as though everytime I go to an Attack game they win and there is a decent fight or two. More weid stuff to think about.

Things have been going pretty good for me and the kids, other than being really quiet. Alexis can sit up now if I sit her down on the floor and she has started to say da-da da-da, ya-ya and what sounds like hi. It is so cute and makes it look like she is trying to chew on something.

On an completely different note altogether, I heard about a horrific thing that happened not too far away from here on Oct 4th. In Barrie Ontario two sweet little girls were found dead. The were only 3 and 1 and I cant help but feel so bad about the whole thing. Their mother is going to trial, so they are thinking that she was the horrible monster that has done such a thing. Their names were Serena and Sophia. So my thought are with their famiy in this time of loss. Even though they have no idea who I am.

That leads me to my next thought. How can a parent or anyone for that matter hurt such a sweet and innocent being? What did they ever do to anyone? There are some very sick people out there and they should never be released back into society after they have been caught. Hell they shouldnt be allowed to be a product of creation. Holy fuck those kind of people are just sick and I will never be able to grasp whatever alternate reality that they live in that makes it okay to even contemplate the sick things that they think of.

Well if this mother did cause this tragedy then I hope she rots in her prison cell and then burns in hell or has whaever horrible thing that she did to those sweet little angels repeatedly done to her.

Goodnight all I am going to go to bed. Hopefully update soon and maybe post some pics of the party and other such things.

Who knows what it could be

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 03:47:47 GMT

Not much has been going on wih me lately, pretty much the same stuff every day. God, I just feel so blah lately. I have been extremely tired, and I am not talk ing about my normal tired. I am talking about falling asleep while talking on the phone and while actively doing something on the computer. I think I really need to try and get more sleep and see if that helps at all. Then if it doesnt I may have to go and see the doctor to figure out what is wrong with me. I suspect something with my iron levels.

I finally got my Attack tickets that I won about 2 weeks ago, they are VIP passes for the October 7th game. Dominique is going to have so much fun with that. I may have to call the arena and see if I would have to use a ticket for Shannon or if she can just sit on my knee or something. That is because any of the people that I was thinking of taking with me come in pairs and I technically only have one extra ticket. I dont know, I will have to see what they have to say to me.

Well anywho, since I am basically falling asleep as I write this I better get off to bed.

Good night everyone.

People out there in the world need to be called pansys more often...

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 01:29:34 GMT

I dunno I jsut really like the sound of calling someone a pansy. You just dont hear it often enough. It doesnt have to be serious but it can be. It's a term that can be used among friends or when you are cursing at some fucker,instead of calling him/her an asshole/bitch/fucker, you can always replace it with the word pansy. I dont know jsut blame it on the lemur king.

Don't mind me I am just a little bit loopy sometimes.

All seems to be going quite well in my little world, kids are doing really well. Well all except for Shannon, I think she has been possesed by some evil spirt. No one told me that the temper tantrums at the age of 3 get a million times worse. I don't remember it being like this with Dominique, but then again I also had alot of extra hands around at that time. I don't really know but somedays i swear she is speaking in foreign tounges.

Grade 1 has been a much better transition for Dominique that I had anticipated. He really seems to enjoy it and his reading and printing are coming along really nicely. He taught me soemthing today that I never knew and tha was how to tell a male monarch butterfly from a female. I actually had to look it up to understand what he meant but he was right. The male has 2 black dots on its hindwings. I also learned when I looked it up that the females webbing is wider than the males. He was very happy today by the fact that his class released a monarch back into nature and that it is making its way to Mexico. It is meet the teacher night at his school on Wednesday and they are having a bakesale, so I am making banana muffins, mmmmmm yummy, I am going to have to keep some of those for home.

Alexis turned 6 months on Saturday, and my god has the time just flown by, it seems like just yesterday she was a tiny little bundle of baby, and now she can pretty much sit by herself if I sit her up and before I know it she will be crawling and getting into everything. I guess it is time to baby proof the house again.

I am still living the single life, and it is going really well. Although I really so miss the cuddling, and having someone to wake up to in the morning. Oh well someday in the future I amy find that person who is the right one for me. Right now Ryan and I are still getting to know each other and it seems to be going really well. But, unfortunately due to some high school drama crap with teenagers he hasnt been coming aroud. I really dont blame him for it cause it wasn't even his fault, just people overreacting over a joke. Thank god i am no longer a teenager, if so I may just have to shoot myself in the foot.

I have been trying desperately to recover on my sleep, even though I have been getting quite a bit I am still tired. Maybe when I am 50 and my kids are all grown up I will finally get the rest that I have been missing in my life.

Well anywho, goodnight ya pansys.

School starts again tomorrow!! WOOHOO

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 05:11:00 GMT

So its off to grade 1 for Dominique tomorrow. Kinda scary tothink about. He is really excited about going back to school, and was acting really cute tonight.

Shannon is gone for the third night in a row and I will be very happy to have her home tomorrow. I miss her and have barely seen her for three days. She is with her Aunt Nikki tonight and she was all excited about going swimming.

I think I am finally over Trevor even though I know taht there is a part of me that will always love him, I know that it would never work, I would never take him bcak again and I am far better off without him aswell as the kids. He has moved to Sarnia with the girl he is seeing and he told me the other day when I called him that he talks about me quite a bit and he still loves me alot, so she is afraid that he will end up getting back together with me. Little does she know that there is no chance of that happening. I took off the promise ring that he gave me for christmas tonight and I have decided that I will give it to Alexis when she is 12 or 16 or something like that. Right now it is on a chain around my neck and that is where it will stay.

I am kind of seeing a guy named Ryan, he is a sweetheart and he wants to take things slowly because he is a single dad. There is some chemistry there so we will see what happens in the future. We have quite a bit in common and he really does understand what I am going through. The kids all like him from what I can tell. This is a major thing with Shannon as she usually takes a little bit to feel comfortable around someon, but the day we all went fishing together she was laughing and being ehr normal self. The crap that Trevor put us through has turned her into a very cautious girl when meeting new people. I really wished I had of picked it up sooner.

I am trying to get used to not having my every move controlled and being free to speak my mind. I have some work to do in that area, more than I really thought I needed. I will make it through this and look back on it and see how far I have come. I will see the shattered remains of a broken person who is now free to be the person she was meant to be.

Well since I am pretty much falling asleep as I type, I better head to my bed and get rested.

Ok, so it's been a bit.

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 14:50:44 GMT

I really havent been feeling much like updating but I figured it was about time. Things are fairly quite around here with the exception of typical kids beig kids stuff. Dominique had his birthday party a couple of weeks ago and even though it didnt go as planned it pretty good inthe end.

Sominique will be starting grade 1 on tuesday and that kinda scares me. It means that he is growing up on me. I know it was bound to happen some day.

I am doing much better than I was previously dealing with being single. Alot of people will be happy to know that Trevor has moved to Sarnia and the only ties I have to him now are the ones that have to do with Alexis. I know that I am better off without him and that life will go on and it can only get better from here. Right now I am going to stay focused on me and my kids and making our lives the best taht they can be. Then maybe I will pursue a relationship.

My main reason for doing this post is to put some pics up of the wee ones for those of you who live very far away can see the kiddies and how big they are getting.

Our Guinea Pigs Swiper and Cinnamon

Dominique at Christmas

Shannon at Christmas

Newest wee one Alexis, 3 months old

Well I guess I better take off and do my stuff, hopefully will update again soon.

Human Cannonball

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 02:30:36 GMT

Tonight was a crazy night, it was circus night. From dancing doggies to an insanely flexible woman. Elepahnt dogs to human cannonball, and weird little asian men on elastics and others with flaming batons. The kids enjoyed themselves, and even Alexis seemed to love it. I saw Mike, Wanda, Craig and Tara there and of course Mike had his lightsaber, which I think he carries with him almost everywhere, but he wouldnt be Mike otherwise.

I am starting to adjust a little bit more the the being single thing even though there are times when it really just hurts. But I am taking my time and eventually all will be right in the world, hopefully. There are some guys out there that are interested but I am just not ready to pursue anything, mentally or emotionally. Who knows maybe I will stay singe for the rest of my life, it really isn't that bad, it just gets frustrating at times.

The wee ones are doing great, driving me beyond crazy but great anyhow.

I fell on the stairs going into the bayshore while carrying Alexis, but she didnt get hurt, I banged my knee up a little bit but thats ok just as long as she is fine.

In the end the past couple of weeks have been pretty good and I am surviving so what can I say it can really only get better from here.

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 03:50:49 GMT

You Are Elektra

There's really no superhero with more style than you.
Because who could beat being sexy assasin ninja?

What Superhero Are You?

Another one from morpheuszero

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 12:20:40 GMT

Respond to this post and I will give you the three words that I think MOST accurately describe you.

The cost? You have to return the favor by posting this in your own journal.

From morpheuszero

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 17:30:29 GMT

If you had to rename me, based off looks & personality, what would that name be?

Then repost this in your journal and see what people would name you!

Not something I was expecting to hear.

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 21:16:45 GMT

This afternoon I ws informed that one of the main landlords in this area died last night. Larry Hilsden was apparently run over with his own truck last night because he would not let Jamie Morreli borrow some money off of him. I am not sure if that is 100% accurate, but that is all I have heard so far. I imagine tha something will be released in the next few days to come.

Edit: Here is the article from the Sun times

http://www.owensoundsuntimes.com/webapp/sitepages/content.asp?contentid=106255&catname=Local+News&classif=

Life Sucks!!!

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 15:25:00 GMT

I am not having a good day at all, havent been sice about 10:30 last night.

oh, by the way Men Suck Ass!!!

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 07:31:28 GMT

LIVE TRUMPS 1.1

watch kali81 fight

CREATE YOUR CARD

Blarg

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 07:08:13 GMT

I am wiped but can't sleep.

Kids are drivin me bonkers and need massive stress relief.

Havin a great time with my neighbors they are awesome peoples.

Life is all fucked in general andI just want all the crap to go away, but I now it is here for a reason.

3 bithday party's in 2 days.

Friend had a baby after 4 days of contractions.

Alexis can roll onto her side from her back, woo hoo.

18 months for Trev and I

Can't be bothered to write a real entry.

got this from morpheuszero
1.Put your music player on shuffle.
2.Press next track for each question.
3.Use the song titles to answer the questions, even if it doesn't make sense.

Will you get far in life?
Kenny Rogers - Lady

How do your friends see you?
Luau Dance Party - Eiko Eiko

Will you get married?
Madonna - Take a Bow

What is your best friend's theme song?
Riverdance - Lord of the Dance

What is the story of your life?
Shania Twain - It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing

What was high school like?
ACDC - Heatseeker

How can you get ahead in life?
Shania Twain - From this Moment

What is the best thing about your friends?
Bob Marley - No Woman No Cry

What is today going to be like?
Garth Brooks & Trisha Yearwood - Love Will Always Win

What is in store for this weekend?
Van Halen - Unchained

What song describes you?
ACDC - Girls Got Rhythum

To describe your grandparents?
Billy Joel - Tell Her About It

How is your life going?
Garth Brooks Unanswered Prayers

What song will they play at your funeral?
Simon & Garfunkel _ The Sound of Silence

How does the world see you?
Backyardigans - Uniqua the Pink Knight

What do your friends really think of you?
The Mana'o Company - 96 Degrees in the Shade

Do people secretly lust after you?
Brian McKnight & Vanessa Willaiams - When I Fall in Love

How can I make myself happy?
Martina McBride - In My Daughters Eyes

What should you do with your life?
Bob Marley - Everythings Gonna be Alright

Will you ever have children?
Brian Adams - Heaven

Update

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 13:11:53 GMT

So as I am sure some of you are curious, I figured I should give some more info about the happenings the other day. Nothing has officially been released that I know of and I have been keeping an eye on local news since it happened.

Anyway here is what I know so far about the discovery of a body on Monday night.

5-6 children under the age of 10 yrs were playing down in nichols gully, sometime before 7 pm. One of them trips and falls and lands next to something, being kids they go for help thinking this person needs cpr or something. A man follows them to the site and discovers that it is a dead body. Calls 911 and the police and everyone are on their way. Parents of the children don't believe that this happened so they go to see if it is true. Police arrive and block off area to public access.

Now that is just how it was discovered. But the facts of the state of the body were alarming to everyone who witnessed it. Apparently the body was severly bloated, which people were assuming meant several weeks, but in all actuality it was only a few days which is what was stated by either the police or coroner. Skull was either crushed or eaten by a wild coyote, so I am not too sure about the cause of death, from what I have been told the trauma appears to be inconsitent with a fall.. So either foul play or acts of nature. The police had said that there were no signs of foul play. There was a issing eye and his skin was transparent from bloating. The body was of a male aged 30-40 yrs and was apparently a resident of a mental institute not too far from where I live, as in around a corner, maybe a 3 minute walk.

That is all that I really know up until this point.

I feel so bad for those children who discovered this horrific thing. One of the children is having nightmares and was so freaked out he didnt even want to take a bath. This is the child that to my knowledge fell almost landing on the body.

Later.

Crazy Day, short entry

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 03:13:44 GMT

Today was busy and crazy to say the least, I will hopefully do an actual update in the next day or two.

A dead body was found 2 blocks from my house, I will add more details as I find out info.

I am doing good, but am busy.

Dom might have a kidney infection.

Kids drivin me nuts.

Alexis is now 12.5 lbs and Shannons daycare pics came back today.

Another busy day tomorrow.

Until I get time to actually sit a write this shall be all.